Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Infinite Monkey's Guide to Good Garden Maintenance

It had been a good seven weeks since the lawns had last been mowed, but Callie was completely unaware of this.  She never left her house, never glanced away from the monitor in front of her.  She wouldn't know if a giant bean stalk had sprouted right outside her window with a 'climb me and I'll lead you to great riches' sign dangling on its lower branch.  To see such a thing would involve opening her curtains; and doing this would produce glare and hinder her ability to see the computer screen.  And we couldn't have that could we?

And so the lawns continued to grow and Callie continued to ignore the disapproving stares from her neighbours, and the fact that her daughter often came home from school crying as she had gotten lost trying to find her way from the letterbox to the front door. 
From The Infinite Monkey's Guide to Losing Friends, Neglecting Family and Killing Household Pets, Part 3: Good Garden Maintenance.

Until the weekend, our lawn was nearly at that point again. The point where small children become lost in an urban forest that starts at our bottom step and continues in sporadic clumps right down to our gate. The point where I've caught the above-mentioned children gnawing on the handrail of the front steps, after having mistaken our home for a gingerbread house.

Or maybe that was less about the lawn labyrinth and more about forgetting to feed the kids breakfast... :P

The problem is, what with all this Winter business, the ground has like a marshland for weeks and weeks. I may as well take the lawnmower over to Bayswater and try to mow the mudflats. And then finally, when the weather had fined up for enough consecutive days to dry out the bog pit that is our front lawn, the mower gurgled to life long enough for me to mow a single strip, and then farted to a stop. Hmm. Probably should have remembered to check the oil... At some point during the span of years we've owned it...

Don't hate me for my awesome MS Paint skills.

But, a week later, and the lawns are done (to some degree), the kids have been able to enjoy playing outside in the nearly-spring weather without needing the help of Search and Rescue to guide them back to the house, and everyone's happy to shed the cabin fever - we are so over winter!!

In other news, I recently finished the Ashbree Lane website. Please head on over and check it out - Maree makes gorgeous tutus, hobby horses and handmade dolls!


  1. Cute Ashbree Lane site : )
    Is this the puggiest winter ever or what? We had trouble remembering where the lawn mower was hiding it'd been so long in the waiting to mow.. the meadow. i think it still knows it's name. I do actually pop back after a while in case you've written write on! Really appreciated your encouragement about our picnic venture too!! I have been fiddling around with the FB & weebly thing & it's going fairly well but I keep rocking from time to time & repeating..."it'll be ok, it'll be ok if you get really stuck you can just ask Callie." May yet yell for help! The book thing...that would be sooo cool..thank you. I'll email soon. Hope you're all better this week. Much love Catherine x0x0x

    1. Oh my goodness I would love to surprise the family one day by taking them on an epic road trip to hire your beautiful vintage picnic gear and go on an amazing adventure! I'm envisioning a flower-filled field with woods in the distance and this amazing picnic set up and the kids all dressed up in their best dresses made by Nan (oh, except Guy Smiley. He'd be in a tutu. And the Teen would probably rather not come along at all because hanging out with the family is so unfun.) And me more preoccupied on photographing the picturesque setting to actually enjoy being part of it... And then the kids would start chasing each other and next thing they'd be leap-frogging the fine china and something would smash and it would probably be me throwing the camera to the ground in exasperation because the stupid lens has become jammed again (from that last time I dropped it in mud while scrambling up a mudslide at Playcenter)...
      Hmm. Might just wait another ten years before going on THAT particular epic adventure. I'm sure ten years is long enough to teach my unruly tribe how to sit down at a meal. Maybe...

  2. You look so cute mowing your lawn!! When I mow the front lawn I do the neighbours as well, I'm pretty sure if I didn't do it it would never get done.

    1. I'm such a fraud really - my hair isn't even blue anymore but blonde. Super super blonde. But I can't bring myself to draw myself with blonde hair because eventually - eventually - I'll restock my rainbow colours. I've always been so anti-blonde. Though, just quietly, I don't mind it so much really.... As long as I always wear my hat. It hides all the bits that have snapped off....

      Hey! Can you move next door to me?? That would just be so neat if you could mow my lawns! I've tried to convince the Teen to do it but even for the certain promise of instant financial gratification, she won't go there. :/